Let Your Light Shine Summer Journal II

The month of July: a time for fireworks, celebration, and relaxation. While my summer has been all of these things it has also been very challenging. For about a month and a half I have been attending a woman’s accountability group once a week. I feel strongly that weekly accountability is vital to living in the light. It has been really refreshing as well as stretching. I feel that I am a very vulnerable person but there are times that I even get scared to open up. Those are the times I know I need to do it.

Toward the beginning of July I felt stuck in a non-ending cycle.  I was really going through a lot of ups and downs within short time frames. Even as I would sit in the prayer room at IHOP (International House of Prayer), I just found it extremely difficult to tell God that He was all I wanted. I knew my heart was becoming distant because I had been asking time and time again for breakthrough in my life. There have been so many things from the past, prior to becoming a Christian, that have appeared recently in my life. It scared me not knowing where the roots lay. Without killing the roots I knew I could not kill the problems.

Through the women’s group, one of the leaders recommended I meet with her mentor, a counselor. I set up an appointment with her and within 30 minutes my mind was opened to a lot of things in my life that I had yet to see as a possible root. I love the meeting in that she knew what to say in order to motivate me as well as understood all that I was trying to tell her. Towards the end of our meeting she recommended that I attend two of her classes about Relational Wholeness.

The next day I walked into the classroom ready to learn. I have to be honest and say that I was somewhat skeptical in thinking, “How is learning about relationships going to help me?” For the next two days we went through healing for a variety of issues such as, but not limited to, shame and feelings, Trauma/abuse, co-dependency, addictions, bitterness, forgiveness, neglect, etc.  I walked out of those sessions in a trance. While there was so much helpful information simply handed to me, I didn’t know where to begin. I felt as though I had a stack of jig saw pieces but no solution. I knew, however, that I was meant to be there. I continued to go toward the front for prayer when she mentioned broken areas that needed healing. It was there that men and women spoke prophetic words over me. They were answers to questions that I have been asking in my heart for a long time.

A few days after the classes ended I felt it was time to look through my notes and try to piece everything together. I sat there staring at a lot of pieces with no connections to each of them. It wasn’t until Tuesday, July 17th, that I received a text message from one of my closest friends. It was scripture stating that God sees all of our motives and all of our intentions, whether for evil or for good. I felt prompted to stop what I was doing and journal to God. I originally intended on going to bed early for once but the Lord has other plans.  That night everything changed! The Holy Spirit put all the pieces together. Things that I have never seen appeared before my eyes as I continued to write in my journal. I felt as though the mystery of my heart was being solved before me. When I got done journaling I sat there in amazement.  God is faithful. It’s easy to get discouraged but God sees the longing of your heart. If you ask He is faithful to answer at the perfect time. I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God; incline your ear to me, hear my words (Psalm 17:6). God’s timing is truly perfect.

In today’s world I am always hearing from preachers, “Don’t look into the rearview mirror.” While I agree that our past is in the past I do not believe we’re supposed to just leave it there. There’s a difference between desiring your past life and gaining healing from your past life. So many Christian are broken because they refuse to look back. Then they hear preachers saying “Don’t look into the rearview mirror” and so they don’t. They honestly believe they are doing the right thing. We need healing. All of us have broken pieces in our hearts. It’s like a light bulb. The bulb can look perfectly fine on the outside but if something is broken on the inside then it won’t light up. The Lord intended for us to be a light to the world. In order to follow His will we need to know Him as the ultimate Healer.

I am going to set up another appointment towards the end of the month with the same counselor in order to discuss the revelation that the Lord has given to me. I am continuing to seek the Lord for His wisdom. God is very practical in His ways. I know that He will show me how to live out what He has revealed to me.

Besides this major incident that has taken place this month there was one other. Many of you, if not all, heard the news of the Colorado gunman who shot and killed many people in an Aurora movie theater. This story gripped my heart. In Isaiah 61:2 it says to comfort all who mourn. I encourage all of you to pray fervently for the victim’s families, the survivors, as well as the gunman, and his family.  I could not imagine going through an incident like this but I know that interceding on their behalf makes the Lord’s heart move. Be encouraged, however, in knowing that God turns all things around for good.

I have to be honest in saying that the saddest part of the story for me is not hearing about those who have lost loved one or those who witnessed the grotesque killings. No. The saddest part of the story is that many of the victims probably did not know God. If something this traumatizing could happen here on Earth, where the light actually shines, could you only imagine how much worse Hell is with no light available? I greatly, greatly encourage you to get out there and evangelize to those who do not know God. So often people believe they will have the opportunity to get right with God before they leave this Earth. This is one of the greatest lies from the enemy. We never know when our time is up.  Life is but a breath. We are all fragile humans in a world of great calamity, but Jesus is a force that will never be defeated.

Continue to have a great summer filled with the light.

In Him,

Angel Edwards

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