Prior to the summer vacation I was praying fervently for direction. I planned on going on a mission trip for two weeks to India but the money didn’t come in on time so half of the trip was cancelled. The opportunity to serve in an internship opened up. I pushed through for direction and felt the Lord calling me home. Now you should know it has been at least 2 years since I have been home for such a long period of time. Even though there was peace about being at home my heart was in the wrong place. I was frustrated that I was going to have to have a “normal” summer when I had wanted so much more. Why would He call me home? One of my friends told me that discontentment always roots from disappointment in God. My expectations were not in God’s will. After that night, about a month ago, I had a heart change. There is some reason that God has called me home and I am excited to discover the reason.
By placing this season into the Lord’s hands I have been given so much revelation on His character. He has been working actively in my life. This summer has been a great opportunity to refuel before heading back to school. I desire so deeply for others to really know God. In order for this to happen I know that I can only lead people as far as I have been with Him in my walk. I have been trying to push into Him as much as possible. When I first arrived in town I started driving to International House of Prayer. I treasure being in a room full of believers all seeking the Fathers heart. There is nothing quite like it.
I realize that the Lord is teaching me more and more about His character. There is so much to know about God. We spend our whole lives searching for the deepest parts of Him. Of course we will never fully know Him in this day and age but I desire to get as close as I possibly can before His return. Anyways, I went to IHOP nearly every day when I first came in town. I wanted to know Gods plan for this summer. I knew that I needed to get a job because of the financial situation that my family is in right now. I began praying that the Lord would open the door to a job if it was something that He wanted me to do. Before even finishing my resume I was asked if I wanted to fill a position at Bath and Body Works. I started working there at the beginning of the month. It has been a learning process for sure. I simply want to be a light to my co-workers as well as the customers that come in to buy our products.
Between IHOP, work, and time with family there isn’t much free time. I am such a night person that once it hits 11 o’clock I am pretty awake. I have to wind down after all day. I love listening to worship music and/or reading a book. One of favorites is Authentic Beauty. I would recommend this for any woman from the age of 16 and up. It is a fabulous book. While I sleep I play IHOP music; artists like Misty Edwards, Tim Reimherr, Jaye Thomas, Matt Gilman, etc. There are so many great artists through that ministry. The Lord will sometimes wake me up with these crazy revelations. There are many things that we know as Christians because we have read it and studied it but there is a difference from knowing about it and having revelation of it.
I have always heard that the Lord is our strength. I have relied on this truth many, many times during my Christian walk. It just hit me that He isn’t just my strength when I am weak and need Him. I am and will always be weaker than Him. He is always my strength, whether that’s on the worst day of my life or a day of great confidence. I never have to be my own strength because He ALWAYS is. ALWAYS. I should never break away from Him for He is the only place where strength comes from.
One of my daily prayers is that I would be able to love Him more. I realized that I was focusing more on how to show Him my love rather than just focusing on Him. In order to love God more I need to really focus on Him. Who are you God? What are your characteristics? How do you feel about abortion? How do you feel about homosexuality? How does your heart have so many emotions within it at the same time? There are so many questions to ask about His character. To love Him is to know Him and to know Him is to love Him.
My focusing on Him I had revelation of His love for me. The fact of the matter is that He does not need me. He wants me. These two things are entirely different. When someone needs you it’s usually because they want to use you for something. This is my view of needing someone. God is everything. He has everything He needs yet He still wants me. The idea that God wants me shows that He has no hidden motives for wanting me. He simply loves me and my love for Him makes me an available disciple for Him.
For the past couple years I have been going through a lot of healing. I have a lot of past experiences that need to be washed with the word of God. Joy comes from a heart of freedom. A lot of it is unconscious past incidences that are effecting the present. With this sort of healing taking place it is so important to know that I am free. I’m not free because of my own effort nor will it ever come from my own effort. I’m free merely because He CHOSE to die for me. Therefore I will not suffer death. I am free from death. By His grace I am saved. His Mercy has set me free. I am so thankful for this. My heart delights in all that He endured in order to have my soul.
He is really showing me that there will be boldness and confidence within me to proclaim the good news. He has confirmed that I will be a messenger in Asia. A door has been opened for learning about evangelism as well. There is an internship called the School of Circuit Riders and it is being held at the IHOP base. I would normally never have the money to do something like this but God is faithful. Money came in and I was able to register. I got accepted and I wait eagerly for it to start which is not until August 5th.
Besides these blessings and revelations the Lord has given me the opportunity to spend more time with my mother. Like I said before I haven’t been home for such a long period of time like the summer. It’s been great. I have been praying for direction for what kind of Bible study to have back at Sterling. I started going through some notes from the Honor Academy with my mother and it’s exciting to see what will come out of it. I feel that this is probably what I will take back to Sterling with me. I’m still praying for formatting ideas. I need to know when and how to make this happen. I know that He will instruct me in the way to go.
I cannot wait to share more with you. God is faithful. He knows the best for us even when we think we know better. He knows us better than we know ourselves. I am so thankful for that.